UPDATE: With my new Joyful Accountability group, THE RUBY SLIPPER COLLECTIVE now being open (check it out here) I thought it was a great time to revisit this post I wrote last year, all about accountability, how to make the most of it, what it’s not and where to find it!
THE TOP 3 SECRETS TO GREAT ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERSHIPS
Ok, being the fabulously goal driven and motivated chicas that we are, we know that accountability is about getting in there and doing all the things that you said you’re gonna do…when you say you’re gonna do them. Right? And that to get it done, we need accountability. But have you ever wondered what it looks like or asked what it really is?
For a long time, I thought accountability was finding someone who could kick my butt. Like, someone standing over me and make me do the things I don’t want to do. When I don’t want to get up and work out, or get off the couch, that person that would come and knock on my door and literally pull me out of bed or off the couch and make me do the work out. That’s what I thought it was all about — someone doing it for me! I believed that motivation was an external force. A force to make me do the things I want to get done. Which essentially meant my success was hinged on someone or something else. If it didn’t work, it wasn’t my fault.
Truth be told, I’ve been accountability partners with a lot of people and those sorts of accountability conversations usually end up being a chat session. There was never really any pressure to say what I was actually doing (or not doing). And I didn’t take a stand for them either. It was easy. We shied away from the difficult topics. And so surprise surprise, accountability didn’t seem to be working for me. But because my belief was still attached to that idea of an external factor, I continued looking for someone else to “help” me. Because I didn’t think I had it in me.
Here’s what I’ve now learned.
Accountability really is about you and I. It starts within us. The reason we need another person or another group is simply as a back-up plan. As sounding board. A mirror. Because if we don’t have that person in our lives who knows our goals, it’s super easy to make excuses. And hide. And pretend. And self-sabotage.
“There’s always some kind of trigger or some kind of driver there, something we don’t want to admit but that we can use to our advantage.”
I believe we all have different drivers and different reasons why we don’t want to get called out.
I know a lot of people who would say accountability doesn’t really work for them because nobody can really make them do anything they don’t want to do and they’re 100% correct! But there’s always some kind of trigger or some kind of driver there, something we don’t want to admit but that we can use to our advantage. For me, I don’t ever want to get called out. I like to be the best, the favourite, the good girl. And because of this, I used to avoid the tough conversation in accountability because I didn’t want to get called out not doing the things I said I was going to do.
But that’s where the power of accountability comes in.
Accountability is just you saying what you want to achieve + somebody simply asking you how you’re doing with it + you being honest with your response. Keeping it truthful without any fluff. No or yes, I have or I haven’t, I’m behind or I’m ahead, I’m feeling really good or I’m not. It’s just about that truth. True accountability holds no judgement. It’s not their job to say if you’re a bad person because you didn’t do that thing you said you were gonna do. It’s them just saying, “cool, so when are you going to do it?” That’s it. We need accountability because if we try to do things on our own, we can make up excuses. Weasel our way out of, in the end, the thing we said we truly wanted.
So what is accountability? Really? And how to we make it work for us? Here are the top 3 secrets to great accountability partnerships:
- It is having a support group, a partner, a friend, that you can be honest with. That you can share the truth with where you are with your goals, your stumbling blocks, and your successes. All of it. #nofilter
- It is having someone who will have no judgment against you for not doing the things you said you were going to do. They are a mirror for you to say out loud the truth about your current status.
- It’s not needing someone else to get things done for us. Because at the end of the day, we’re the only people who can do it for ourselves. They are someone we can celebrate the highs and the lows of our journey with.
“Someone whom you can just be completely honest with because sometimes, it’s difficult to be honest with yourself.”
What if you don’t have an accountability partner?
If you don’t have an accountability partner, or belong to a mastermind or accountability group, I would highly encourage that you seek one out. It’s actually the reason I created The Ruby Slipper Collective (which you are more than welcome to join, by the way). It can be as simple as reaching out to a friend and saying, “Hey, I could do with your help because I have a super important goal I’m working towards. If I tell you about it, in a few days time can you just ask me where I’m at and don’t let me get away with BS when I answer you?”